oh god the rape fog is back!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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