The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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