if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i think my cat just said my name.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize