Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I can't put those talents on a resume
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
