I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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