woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Who died my cat blue again?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
