Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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