He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
