her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
