She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
