We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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