Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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