break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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