I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
