I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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