girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
