Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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