All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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