I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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