He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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