Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Floor bacon is actually really good
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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