he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
