Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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