just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize