so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
