This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
