Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize