if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We are two peas in an std pod
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
