He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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