How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
