I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
