dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize