Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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