Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
