i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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