I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
