Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize