just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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