I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
