I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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