So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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