and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
