things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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