Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
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