he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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