i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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