I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
