She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
