o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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