Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
is wine microwaveable?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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