if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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