time to smoke my breakfast
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
