Who wears a wallet chain?!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
