I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
