Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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