READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
