I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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