if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
