I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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