The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize