apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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