so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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