i don't like sucking hair
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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