yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
