Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
