Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
