dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
