It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
